Discouragement

No matter how far into my journey I go, the enemy is always sitting on my shoulder whispering things into my ears.  How I wish I wouldn't listen to him.  There are times when I realize its the enemy, and other times when I wonder if God is just saying HEY.....get a clue here, I'm trying to lead you elsewhere and your not listening.

If God is trying to lead me a different direction, I wish I'd figure it out!   The feelings of rejection and not being good enough are very discouraging, and the enemy knows this and he just goes into overdrive picking at my brain.  There are times  I have to work hard to over come him, and still move in the direction that God would want me to no matter how hurt my feelings might be.

It would be very easy to go back to the feelings of not being good enough for church.  Fighting our enemy off is critical and learning to speak Gods word is more powerful than the enemy is.   I can't say its always easy, but it is important.

I would be lying if I said there hasn't been times when I feel like giving up, putting my Bible away and just walking away.  But then I start to feel a fearful urgency in my heart and a little voice in my head saying no...do not do this to yourself.  Jesus is in control of this, not me....and not the enemy.   When I start to feel that fearful urgency, I know He is speaking to me, and I've learned to recognize it and I've learned that being obedient and walking back to my Bible is a key factor.  I feel better when I do regardless of who or what is bringing me down.

My world is painted with people who are either not believers, or think I take it too far.  It can be very discouraging.  I have two friends that are like me, and only one of those two do I feel I can really talk to.  Why my world is like that, I have no idea....but the bottom line is that I have to be the one to take responsibility for my thoughts, and push back, and look to our Savior for reasons to feel good and encouraged.  When I find myself sitting here thinking "why bother"....I reach for my Bible or find something to read that will bring my mind back to God.   I was told once, that faith is like a muscle...you have to exercise it for it to gain strength, and if you don't work at it, then it will weaken.  Giving up is not an option.

Allowing others to make you feel anything less than a forgiven and loved and ACCEPTED child of God is the work of the enemy.  Regardless of how people treat you, victory over the enemy is a good feeling, and your faith grows more and more every time you recognize that Jesus is working in your life.
He doesn't expect you to be dressed the best, or for your hair and make up to look the best, or for you to try to be someone your not just to please someone else.   You are all His, and He paid the price for you when He was nailed to the cross.   He doesn't care what you look like or if you aren't a social butterfly...or whatever.   You don't have to prove to Him that your an amazing person no matter what you've done in your life....He already knows your amazing, and He loves you.

Regardless of how awful you've acted in your life, or how strong your feelings of guilt and inadequacy are...know that God has a plan and its a perfect plan.  

I've been searching for my plan for 3 years now, and I don't know what my plan is, and I really want to know.   But...I do know He has a purpose for all his creation.  There is a reason why I am where I'm at in life now regardless of my past.  

He will work everything I've been through and done for the good ... He promises.

Romans 8:28 says:  And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to HIS purpose.

Always search for reasons to believe and for reasons to keep your faith.  The enemy is just waiting for you to weaken....stay in HIS word, and believe in it and reach for HIM.