Where do you find God?

A few minutes ago, I got this story in my email.   Its such a sweet reminder of how our enemy tends to complicate our lives so we don't have time for God.   I have been so busy with life that I haven't taken the time to finish blogs that I have started, or study more in depth like I've been wanting to.  I've been in the word, but my heart wants so much more .. 

Personally, I want to be like Kevin.  God is where ever I need Him to be.  He doesn't leave my side and He has never let me down.   All I have to do is seek Him and be obedient to His Word.




GOD LIVES UNDER THE BED

I envy Kevin . My brother, Kevin , thinks God lives under his bed. At least that's what I heard him say one night.
He was praying out loud in his dark bedroom, and I stopped to listen, 'Are you there, God?' he said. 'Where are you? Oh, I see. Under the bed....'
I giggled softly and tiptoed off to my own room. Kevin 's unique perspectives are often a source of amusement. But that night something else lingered long after the humor. I realized for the first time the very different world Kevin lives in.
He was born 30 years ago, mentally disabled as a result of difficulties during labor. Apart from his size (he's 6-foot-2), there are few ways in which he is an adult.
He reasons and communicates with the capabilities of a 7-year-old, and he always will. He will probably always believe that God lives under his bed, that Santa Claus is the one who fills the space under our tree every Christmas and that airplanes stay up in the sky because angels carry them.
I remember wondering if Kevin realizes he is different. Is he ever dissatisfied with his monotonous life?
Up before dawn each day, off to work at a workshop for the disabled, home to walk our cocker spaniel, return to eat his favorite macaroni-and-cheese for dinner, and later to bed.
The only variation in the entire scheme is laundry, when he hovers excitedly over the washing machine like a mother with her newborn child.
He does not seem dissatisfied.
He lopes out to the bus every morning at 7:05, eager for a day of simple work.
He wrings his hands excitedly while the water boils on the stove before dinner, and he stays up late twice a week to gather our dirty laundry for his next day's laundry chores.
And Saturdays - oh, the bliss of Saturdays! That's the day my Dad takes Kevin to the airport to have a soft drink, watch the planes land, and speculate loudly on the destination of each passenger inside. 'That one's goin' to Chi-car-go! ' Kevin shouts as he claps his hands.
His anticipation is so great he can hardly sleep on Friday nights.
And so goes his world of daily rituals and weekend field trips.
He doesn't know what it means to be discontent.
His life is simple.
He will never know the entanglements of wealth or power, and he does not care what brand of clothing he wears or what kind of food he eats. His needs have always been met, and he never worries that one day they may not be.
His hands are diligent. Kevin is never so happy as when he is working. When he unloads the dishwasher or vacuums the carpet, his heart is completely in it.
He does not shrink from a job when it is begun, and he does not leave a job until it is finished. But when his tasks are done, Kevin knows how to relax.
He is not obsessed with his work or the work of others. His heart is pure.
He still believes everyone tells the truth, promises must be kept, and when you are wrong, you apologize instead of argue.
Free from pride and unconcerned with appearances, Kevin is not afraid to cry when he is hurt, angry or sorry. He is always transparent, always sincere. And he trusts God.
Not confined by intellectual reasoning, when he comes to Christ , he comes as a child. Kevin seems to know God - to really be friends with Him in a way that is difficult for an 'educated' person to grasp. God seems like his closest companion.
In my moments of doubt and frustrations with my Christianity, I envy the security Kevin has in his simple faith.
It is then that I am most willing to admit that he has some divine knowledge that rises above my mortal questions.
It is then I realize that perhaps he is not the one with the handicap. I am. My obligations, my fear, my pride, my circumstances - they all become disabilities when I do not trust them to God's care.
Who knows if Kevin comprehends things I can never learn? After all, he has spent his whole life in that kind of innocence, praying after dark and soaking up the goodness and love of God.
And one day, when the mysteries of heaven are opened, and we are all amazed at how close God really is to our hearts, I'll realize that God heard the simple prayers of a boy who believed that God lived under his bed.
Kevin won't be surprised at all !

"Those who condemn you are not qualified to do so....

"Those who condemn you are not qualified to do so and the One qualified to condemn does not."   This is a statement by Chuck Swindoll.

How cool is that?  I really like that quote.  It makes me feel like being brave.

I got to thinking about that and how we are so afraid to show our weakness and sin around others because we are afraid of being condemned and judged.   Its so scary to be that vulnerable, but all it takes is one brave soul to step forward and give courage to others.

Yesterday was Sanctification Sunday at our church, and I was so WOWed by the courage of one woman that I'm still moved by it 2 days later.   Our church always encourages women to sign up for this Bible study, but no matter how encouraging they try to be, its still so intimidating to put that foot forward and make it happen.

Even though you know in your mind that Jesus won't condemn you, knowing that others will makes it so hard to take that leap of faith.

But this year...this amazing obedient women got on stage during 4 different services and said "I have been there" ...  can you imagine that?   She gave a voice to all the women who are afraid to come forward.
This ONE woman made all the difference in the world to others.   It just so happens, it was this same woman who went to the leader of our womens ministry and sought help regarding her abortions, and this is the same woman who contacted me and convinced me to sign up for this study.

She was obedient and brave, and as a result, our church now has several willing leaders for this study and many woman have received healing as a result.  This obedience has spread to other churches in our area, and its growing all the time.  All it took was ONE woman...just one.  I want to be like her, and I want a heart like hers.

God moves in the most amazing and unexpected ways and having the opportunities to watch it happen is such a blessing and my faith grows by leaps and bounds every time!

Shattered

Jeremiah 6:14 says "They dress the wound of my people as though it is not serious. "peace, peace" they say, when there is not peace.

The Message translation reads it this way:  "My people are broken---shattered!--and they put on Band Aids, saying, its not so bad.  You'll be just fine. But things are not just fine"

"My people are broken--shattered!"    Clearly, its not describing a paper cut here, its saying broken and shattered.  The definition of shattered is: break or cause to break suddenly and violently into pieces; To cause the destruction of; destroy.   How do you fix something like that with a Band Aid?  The truth is, you cant put the pieces back together without Gods hand guiding them into place.

I still have a tendency to try to "fix" life myself.  When will I ever learn to fully 100% rely on God?
I know when things are falling apart, that somewhere along the line I have probably chosen to make my own rules.

As women, we tend to show ourselves as supermoms, or super-employees, or a super-wife...and more often than not...we are all three of them at once.  We put on our strong face, and we are determined to move forward with our duties.   The Band Aids we put on our wounds are there, and we continue being brave little soldiers as we fearfully tackle life....others see it as fearless...but we know better...or do we?  I look back and believe I had myself convinced I was okay for a long time.

As time passes, our Band Aids grow weaker, and our wounds become more and more infected.  Then there comes a day when the wounds can't be held together with Band Aids any longer, and we find ourselves at Gods mercy....broken and shattered.

There are so many women in this world who have so much to give, and so much pain in their hearts.  I know I'm not the only woman who couldn't find it in me to forgive myself let alone ask forgiveness.
Where are these women?  The truth is they are all over the place and right in front of you.  They are your sister, friend, mother, daughter, the woman sitting next to you in church...all of them trying to keep the band aids on and put on a brave front.  The statistics of abortion don't lie.  43% of women have had abortion, and a very large percentage have had more than one.

I want so bad to reach out and make a difference, but how do you do that when secrets are so dark and deep?   Its not like I can walk up to someone and say hi..I've had  3 abortions fathered by a married man, done drugs and drank like a fish....how about you?   So..where does a person start?  How can I find these women and gain their trust and show them that God is waiting for them to come to Him?   It weighs on my heart and I do pray that God opens a door or two for me and I pray that I recognize it when He does.

I know that leaders of Surrendering The Secret have approached other churches and pastors who fully believe that problem doesn't exist in their church.  How heartbreaking.

This is real life folks...pain and shame happens and we are all worthy of Gods love and forgiveness.  Jesus died on the cross for that very reason, and if we can't find it in ourselves to let our narrow minded guards down, and open our hearts to women who are suffering, then why did Jesus die?  What was the purpose of his suffering.  He was nailed to the cross so we could be forgiven!  YOUR name was spoken as he died on that cross..what more could we ask for?  He didn't do that so we could bury our heads in the sand and pretend this kind of heart ache isn't real.   Luke 4:18 says :The Spirit of the Lord is upon Me, Because He has anointed Me to preach the gospel to the poor: He has sent Me to heal the brokenhearted...
So, why are we shutting the doors in the faces of brokenhearted  women?  Are we going to allow the enemy to win this battle?  I think not!  But its going to take some serious opening of our hearts to make a difference.

I read in a book that the Greek word for poor is ptochos and that means utter helplessness, complete destitution, afflicted and distressed.  It had nothing to do with finances.
It also said the original word for brokenhearted is suntribo, and that means to break, strike, and break the power or strength of someone.   Both of those words describe who I was.

It seems to me that Jesus came specifically for the fatal wounds of life...the wounds that we try to put band aids on and hide.  I'm not saying it was an easy thing for me.  It was incredibly hard and painful.  Jesus takes the band aids off, but typically fatal wounds require some kind of surgery.  Healing is not painless.  He will take apart the shattered pieces, and put them back to together the way they should be.  Nobody says its easy, but it was so worth it.

Tomorrow we are focusing on the Sanctity of Life in church, and I pray for women to find the courage to seek God in her pain, and find the most amazing healing.

Horton Hears a Who

This blog was written by the most amazing woman.  She led the first Surrendering The Secret Bible study I took.   What a blessing she was during that study....and she's still a blessing to this day.
I know you will enjoy reading this as much as I did.

That elephant is my hero.  Look at him.  He has a great smile!  He also knows what he believes.  He has a steadfast disposition and an unwavering adherence to the truth- no matter what any one else thinks.

If it's been awhile since you've read Dr. Seuss's Horton collection- allow me to refresh your memory.  In the book "Horton hears a Who" Horton comes upon a speck of dust in which an entire population of people-like creatures, called Whos,  live.  This speck sits vicariously atop a plant that looks like a spent dandelion flower.  Horton believes in the value of these people and recognizes the obvious danger in their living on a speck of dust.  Without even a second thought, Horton sets out protecting these Whos from a group of various other animals who's goal is to convince Horton he is wrong about the existence of the Who world and destroy the flower- speck and Who and all.

It is during one of these exchanges with his friends that Horton utters a phrase that has been rolling around in my heart since my five year old son and I read the story.  "A person's a person, no matter how small."

Oh my, I've felt small before. In fact, I've felt small enough to feel as though I'm not even human- let alone valued or loved.  I've met a lot of women who have felt that small.  In fact, in the Bible Study I lead for post-abortive women, smallness is the one thing we all have in common when we start the journey together.

This coming Sunday is Sanctity of Human Life Sunday.  39 years ago our courts ruled that women will have the right to legally obtain an abortion in the United States.  We have been living out the heartbreak from that decision.  I don't know that our country will ever truly understand the magnitude in which we've been effected by supporting, advocating, encouraging, and helping women abort.  I don't know that I'll ever grow accustomed to hearing their stories, seeing their regret, hurting with them while they work through their heart break.  Small- Horton really had it right, that is the best word that can be used to describe a mother who has not been allowed to grieve the death of her child.

This is a tough topic for me to write about.  My hands are shaking and I have so much more to say.  I'm also wondering if you've walked away from the computer.  Do you, like I did for years, avoid any discussion with regard to abortion?  I've been there to.  I understand how you feel.  Maybe you have experienced an abortion and your only consolation is that I'm dead wrong about the heartbreak.  Maybe you don't understand how a woman would ever make the choice to abort- but like me, you're secretly very thankful you  never had to make that choice in the first place.  Whew- that really was a close one...

What I want to say today is that I agree with Horton.  A person's a person, no matter how small.  I'll even add- no matter how small they feel.  I know of another who agrees.  Jesus Christ agrees with Horton- in fact if Horton were real, I'd wonder if he knows God personally.

You see, when it comes to effectively healing from an epidemic of small-ness, there is only one cure.  He's heroic, for sure, but more importantly than that he's steadfast in his knowledge of us and his love for us.  He created us, watched us as we grew, rejoiced at our birth, has been with us from the first heart beat until this very moment.  He promised to never leave us, never forsake us- because a person's a person, no matter how small.

Here's his cure for smallness -

Psalm 139:13-16 (The Message)

13 Oh yes, you shaped me first inside, then out; you formed me in my mother's womb.  

14  I thank you, High God- you're breathtaking!  Body and soul, I am marvelously made! I worship in adoration what a creation!

16 You know me inside and out, you know every bone in my body; You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit how I was sculpted from nothing into something.

16 Like an open book, you watched me grow from conception to birth; all the stages of my life were spread out before you, The days of my life all prepared before I'd even lived one day.

Like I said before, you may not agree with me.  A few years ago- I never would have even had the conversation with you. But today, I wonder, who will take up the challenge to be more like Horton?

I'm tired of people being disposed of through abortion.  I'm tired of it for the aborted but I'm also more tired of it for the women and men who walk back into their lives to live out that decision with every breath they take through heartache and confusion.  I'm tired of being silent and so my message today is, "A person's a person, no matter how small" and that's why a mother's heart breaks into small pieces when her child is aborted.

I can't leave it at that though.  Jesus died on a cross so I wouldn't have to.  If you'd like to argue your case- or hear more about Surrendering the Secret my email is sts.ssorenson@gmail.com.  I'd love to hear from you- or reply to this post and we'll talk.  You matter- no matter how mad you are or how small you feel.

Discouragement

No matter how far into my journey I go, the enemy is always sitting on my shoulder whispering things into my ears.  How I wish I wouldn't listen to him.  There are times when I realize its the enemy, and other times when I wonder if God is just saying HEY.....get a clue here, I'm trying to lead you elsewhere and your not listening.

If God is trying to lead me a different direction, I wish I'd figure it out!   The feelings of rejection and not being good enough are very discouraging, and the enemy knows this and he just goes into overdrive picking at my brain.  There are times  I have to work hard to over come him, and still move in the direction that God would want me to no matter how hurt my feelings might be.

It would be very easy to go back to the feelings of not being good enough for church.  Fighting our enemy off is critical and learning to speak Gods word is more powerful than the enemy is.   I can't say its always easy, but it is important.

I would be lying if I said there hasn't been times when I feel like giving up, putting my Bible away and just walking away.  But then I start to feel a fearful urgency in my heart and a little voice in my head saying no...do not do this to yourself.  Jesus is in control of this, not me....and not the enemy.   When I start to feel that fearful urgency, I know He is speaking to me, and I've learned to recognize it and I've learned that being obedient and walking back to my Bible is a key factor.  I feel better when I do regardless of who or what is bringing me down.

My world is painted with people who are either not believers, or think I take it too far.  It can be very discouraging.  I have two friends that are like me, and only one of those two do I feel I can really talk to.  Why my world is like that, I have no idea....but the bottom line is that I have to be the one to take responsibility for my thoughts, and push back, and look to our Savior for reasons to feel good and encouraged.  When I find myself sitting here thinking "why bother"....I reach for my Bible or find something to read that will bring my mind back to God.   I was told once, that faith is like a muscle...you have to exercise it for it to gain strength, and if you don't work at it, then it will weaken.  Giving up is not an option.

Allowing others to make you feel anything less than a forgiven and loved and ACCEPTED child of God is the work of the enemy.  Regardless of how people treat you, victory over the enemy is a good feeling, and your faith grows more and more every time you recognize that Jesus is working in your life.
He doesn't expect you to be dressed the best, or for your hair and make up to look the best, or for you to try to be someone your not just to please someone else.   You are all His, and He paid the price for you when He was nailed to the cross.   He doesn't care what you look like or if you aren't a social butterfly...or whatever.   You don't have to prove to Him that your an amazing person no matter what you've done in your life....He already knows your amazing, and He loves you.

Regardless of how awful you've acted in your life, or how strong your feelings of guilt and inadequacy are...know that God has a plan and its a perfect plan.  

I've been searching for my plan for 3 years now, and I don't know what my plan is, and I really want to know.   But...I do know He has a purpose for all his creation.  There is a reason why I am where I'm at in life now regardless of my past.  

He will work everything I've been through and done for the good ... He promises.

Romans 8:28 says:  And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to HIS purpose.

Always search for reasons to believe and for reasons to keep your faith.  The enemy is just waiting for you to weaken....stay in HIS word, and believe in it and reach for HIM.

Gratitude for the new year!

Have you ever read a paragraph or heard something that suddenly grabs you and makes you stop and think?
Last night I was reading a book called The Kingdom of God, and came across this statement...

We were all children of wrath before conversion.  God has a way of taming believers.  Something happens in the soul of believers when their dark secrets are exposed.  Often their heart is broken and changed.


That statement rings so true to me that I actually put the book down so I could think about it for a while, and pray about it.  I couldn't even pray...the only words that would come to my mind is Thank you.  There aren't any words that can describe the gratitude I felt.   My heart has changed, and my thought process has changed and I feel so different than I used to.   I'm not sure I ever really realized how "new" I felt until I read that statement.

The "old me" is gone....but she is not forgotten.  One would think I'd want to just forget her and move on with life, but she still has a purpose.  I want to remember who I used to be because this way I can be compassionate and identify with those who are hurting and can't seem to find forgiveness and peace.

I love starting off the new year with a feeling of gratitude.  Thats ALWAYS a good start!

Knowing peace

Its the day after Christmas.  What a wonderful Christmas it was.
I spent the weekend going to church and hanging out with family.  This morning, I have to work while my family sleeps in, and the house is very quiet, and my work phone has rang once over the last few hours.  Its going to be a nice quiet day.
I have a feeling of peace this morning, and once again, I'm in awe over the blessings I have in my life.  I love these moments where its quiet and I can reflect on where God has led me and what He's provided.

He was born a precious little baby...lived a precious sinless life...and yet He was the one nailed to the cross when it should have been me.  He didn't live the rich life of a high priest, a pharisee or a king, but yet He is the only way to the Father, and He is the King of Kings, and the Lord of Lords.

I still feel so humbled by his blessings knowing full well I have led such a sinful life.  How amazing is it that He allows me to feel peace regardless of what I've done and whats going on currently in my life.  I still know that one way or another He will work it out and something good will come of it, and it eases anxiety knowing He's in control.

I always have this feeling of wanting to "pay it forward", and half the time I have no idea what to do.  There are so many people I wish I could just reach out to, and most of them wont listen.

Ephesians 2:10 says:  For we are Gods handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.

I want to do His good works, so why don't I even know where to begin?   Why do I feel stalled and insignificant to make a difference for Him?   He reached out and changed me inside and out, and I'd give anything to be able to be a vessel to do that for someone else.  I want people to have what I have...and whats funny is that I used to hear people say those same words, and I'd just roll my eyes.

I know people who have so much heart ache in their lives, and so much drama....and I know others who have it made, and yet seem so ungrateful and unhappy with everything.   They say they believe in God, but I always said that too. The difference is knowing who you are in Him, and knowing what He's already done for you...and as harsh as it can be, sometimes this can only happen when you come face to face with Him and your past and being put in a place where you have no other option but to sit at the foot of the cross and give it all up.  Sometimes answered prayers aren't always easy to receive, and you have to be emotionally naked to receive His healing because you won't listen any other way.

Facing your demons is never easy, and its not something you do just once in your life.  God never promised us an easy life, but He did promise it would be worth it.